Hey everyone, I know it's been quiet a while since I've been on. I've been through hell. I got busy with school and taking care of dad some... My dad has passed away. He died November 19 this year at 57 years old. His pancreatic cancer ate an ulcer through his stomach lining and they couldn't save him. He would have been 58 if he had made it little over two weeks. So I have been busy the past month being my mothers support and trying to do my best for dad to be proud. I haven't done anything really in the past month.
Honestly, I've been lazy. I need to work out more :/ lol. I handled dads death easier than mom, because I knew I had to move on and let it go. I cry at night sometimes and think of him. Let me tell what happened the day he died.
Mom woke me up, she ran into my bedroom and I was scared awake. I ran with her to their bathroom, and dad was laying in the floor. He was sweating and dazed, and embarrassingly he had accidentally done #2 in his underwear. We helped him up and onto the pot. After so long we put him into bed, mom was talking to his cancer doctor and he told us to just calm and relax him. He said he would be okay and that they would check later, because he was going to get treatment that day.
Well dad asked to go to the bathroom again, so we got him back to it. A moment after, because I was keeping watch on him (mom was getting dressed because we were going to take dad up there) and I saw him puke. I saw his puke was red, but I wasn't sure, so I waited a moment and saw him puke blood again. I shouted at mom and she ran over and looked. He threw up blood three times and she called the doctor back. He said that is a very bad sign and that we need to get him up to the ER as soon as possible.
I got dressed in less than 5 seconds and went to help mom. we took about 5 minutes gathering everything and rushed out the door with dad. Mom dropped me off at my aunts work place...I regret my choice so much now. I went to school instead of staying with him. I thought he was going to get better like the few other times. So I stayed there and waited with my aunt, then eventually went to school. When we were on the way to my aunts place though, I told dad how much I love him and have appreciated him all my life. I just didn't realize that would be one of the last times my dad would respond.
Later at school I called almost every class and checked on him. After school, like seconds after, they declared him code blue. When I reached the hospital, he was still unresponsive. The whole time I was there, my dad never opened his eyes. he couldn't smile with a tube shoved down his throat, taped to his face, tubes up his nose, pumping blood into his internally bleeding body with another tube draining the internal blood from his wound area.
My dad died soon after that, within an hour of me being up there. I saw him die, my mom fell. She couldn't breathe. She drove us home, me and my aunts, and I made her promise me not to kill herself or cut, no drugs or alcohol. She has done good, she hasn't done any of those things. Nor have I. It's been tough because at first we thought he was going to walk in through our front door anytime, severe denial. We are okay now though...
But yeah, that's one of the main reasons I haven't been on. 15 years old and now I no longer have my dad, grandma, grandpa(he moved almost as soon as grandma died), my dad's dad, my aunt is fighting breast cancer, grandma has a hip problem where her bone rubs bone, etc. we have so many problems.
Love everyone, happy new year, merry late Christmas, etc.
On the bright side, I think I might have found my soul mate, or maybe just my best guy friend, lol.
Again, sorry for having been off so long. I still wont be on often though, once a month maybe. I have to study, focus. I will get good grades and make my daddy proud